1. Look at yourself in the mirror every day. Get up close so you can look directly into your own eyes. Smile and say, “I love you.” Do this every day until you really, truly, deeply believe it. Don’t be surprised if this deceptively simple exercise brings tears to your eyes.
2. Think about a time when you felt sexy and confident. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and totally immerse yourself in the memory. Recall every detail you can, until you feel the feelings bubbling up to the surface. Hold onto the feelings for a few seconds, and while they’re still strong, open your eyes and smile. You’re training yourself to feel sexy and confident when you do this regularly.
3. Let your clothing reflect you. Go through your closet and get rid of any clothing that no longer fits or feels good. If you don’t love it, donate it. You should be left with only things you love or need. Any time you wear frumpy, ill fitting clothing, you tell yourself you don’t deserve to feel sexy. This doesn’t mean you always have to dress up. Simple, casual, well-fitting clothing can stay.
4. Put on your favorite outfit. Look at yourself in a full length mirror. Compliment yourself out loud about how great you look, and be specific. Parade around your bedroom and strike a few poses. Don’t forget to smile as you do it; remember, it’s all about attitude!
5. Sign up for pole dancing classes. No, I’m not kidding. Take classes for at least a month. Not only is pole dancing a kick-butt workout, but you can’t help feeling sexy... and strong, and powerful... when you master a move. As an added bonus, the classes will make you stronger and more confident, and there’s nothing sexier than a strong, confident woman.6. Take the initiative. If you have a romantic partner, take the initiative and do something sexually you’ve never done. I guarantee, your partner will be so stoked, you’ll feel like a goddess. Need an idea? Try this: look him (or her) right in the eye, with your chin lowered so you’re looking up into their eyes. Say, “I want to make love to you... right now.” Then take their hand and walk into the bedroom. Even that little bit of initiative will put some sizzle in the act.
7. Learn how to hula hoop. It’s cheap, and you can find lots of great tutorials on YouTube. Hooping gets you into your body, and when you’re tuned into your body it’s easy to treat it well. It helps loosen the hips, which makes it easier to express your emotions. I know that might sound strange, but energetically we store grief in our hips. Tight hips mean a lot of grief, and it’s hard to feel sexy when you have a lot of unexpressed grief.
8. Give yourself permission to feel sexy. One of the great gifts of the female body is that it’s full of soft lines and curves. Being sexy doesn’t mean you’re stupid. Being sexy doesn’t mean you think your value is in your beauty. It means that you appreciate this body you’ve been given. It means you don’t have to compete with men on their turf; you’ve got your own. Gone are the days when women find self confidence from acting like men. Act like a real woman!
9. Do something creative. The second chakra is the home of sexuality and creativity. It’s an energy wheel that sits inside the pelvic bowl. Its center, in women, is in the womb. Energetically, creativity and sexuality are inseparable. If you’re really stuck trying to feel yourself sexy, do something creative instead. So you say you’re not an artist? Bake something, or experiment with a new dinner recipe. It will set the creative juices flowing and give you the same energetic lift as any of these other steps.
10. Take a dance exercise class. Nia and Zumba are the most popular, and they’re are also hybrid yoga classes that incorporate dance. Or you could fulfill a childhood dream and take ballet, jazz or tap lessons. Dance classes help you get in touch with your body- how it feels, how it moves, what it needs. Being in touch with your body is sexy. Best of all, you don’t have to be in great shape to start, and they’ll help you become more fit and healthy.
11. SMILE! Smiling is sexy. It makes you feel good, and when you smile, other people around you will feel good. Smiling is contagious, and in some situations will make people wonder what you’ve been up to. That combination of happy and mysterious is sexy.
12. "Love" Yourself. Give yourself an orgasm (or two!) before you go out on the town with your girlfriends. The endorphins flowing through your body, plus the subtle scent to pheromones, will drive guys wild. The fact that you are the one responsible for your sexual pleasure is empowering and super sexy. And every time you remember your little secret, you’ll get a sly smile or a big grin on your face.